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Eight Mistakes to Avoid in a “Gray Divorce”

Eight Mistakes to Avoid in a Gray Divorce

In nearly 50 years of practicing law, Jeff Greenblatt, of the Rockville law firm Joseph Greenwald & Laake, has heard many heart-rending stories. This is particularly true because he specializes in “gray divorce” where the couple is 50 or older and often has been married for decades. One of the key issues he faces is helping one member of the couple, frequently the woman, who has not had as much experience dealing with financial issues as the other spouse. Obviously, this places the less-experienced spouse at a disadvantage.

“My practice involves representing mothers, fathers, husbands and wives in situations that are often fraught with emotion,” said Jeff.  “I function as the shield and the lightning rod to help the client secure the relief they are entitled to and are not being taken advantage of by the other side or the system.”

Jeff uses his listening skills and his experience to advise his clients. However, his clients, at times, do not listen as well as they should. For example, one wife had requested Jeff’s assistance because her alimony was not keeping up with the cost of living and needed to be increased. After litigation had commenced, the client announced that she had fallen in love and was getting married.  She was now in a happy place and no longer wanted to be bothered with the lawsuit.  Jeff congratulated the woman on her upcoming nuptials but emphasized that she should not dismiss her lawsuit until after she had tied the knot.  The alimony would automatically terminate once she was married.   

The woman said she did not want to be bothered and wanted the lawsuit dismissed, refusing Jeff’s clear-headed advice. Many years later and only by happenstance, Jeff found out that the woman ended up financially devastated when the new groom failed to appear for the wedding. She had no groom and no alimony.

Jeff often contends with muddled and emotional thinking like this and he sees it as his responsibility to protect his clients from their spouses and sometimes from themselves. Based on his decades of experience, Jeff counsels his clients to avoid these eight mistakes in a gray divorce.

Talk to a lawyer who will represent you fairly. “A lawyer cannot ethically represent both sides in a divorce,” said Jeff. “I look for creative ways to resolve disputes, but when a trial becomes unavoidable, I’m ready to aggressively safeguard my client’s interests.”

Keep your emotions in check. “Attempts to ‘get even’ often backfire,” said Jeff. “Unchecked emotional outbursts could cause otherwise level-headed individuals to do or say things that are detrimental to their case and could cause their spouse to respond in kind.  People, out of anger, will harden their positions which makes settling a case much harder.”

Never sign anything without your lawyer seeing it. “The documents could be a promissory note, a contract, an agreement dividing or waiving an interest in assets, the sale of a home or many other items. These documents should be carefully reviewed by your attorney before signing,” said Jeff.

Know your rights. “When a person goes to a doctor for an ailment, the patient describes his symptoms, the doctor examines the patient and, if necessary, reviews test results all before rendering a diagnosis.  A meeting with an attorney is very much akin to a ‘verbal examination’ where the attorney ferrets out the requisite facts before delivering his evaluation and rendering his advice,” said Jeff.

Make a thorough search for proper records. “The person who is at a financial disadvantage should carefully gather relevant documents including tax returns, insurance records, bank statements, real estate deeds, retirement accounts etc.,” said Jeff. “The spouse who has not been involved in family finances should become as familiar as possible with the economic circumstances of the family. If this is not done, it will require the attorney to do this work and consequently will increase the cost of the case.  Moreover, until this information is obtained, the attorney cannot render an opinion as to what a fair outcome would look like.”

Don’t rush to capitulate. “Individuals who find themselves in these trying situations need to think with their heads, not their hearts. In many cases, I have heard a client say, ‘I can’t sleep at night. I just want this over.’ I urge my clients to carefully consider all the options and their ramifications before making a decision based on nothing more than expediency.”

Don’t try to be your own investigator. This is especially difficult for the spouse who is suspicious that their husband/wife is cheating. “This often results in the spouse discovering they are being watched.  When they do, they will stop doing what they have been doing or cover their tracks. It then becomes more difficult and costly to gather important information. Investigations should be left to the professionals.”

Of course, don’t forget the kids. Although in most gray divorces, children are adults, still there are important considerations. “Usually child custody is not an issue,” said Jeff.  “But future events like paying for college or a wedding need to be considered.”

Jeff can be reached at Joseph Greenwald & Laake in Rockville at 240-399-7819. Email: jgreenblatt@jglaw.com